Always On My Mind (Finished)

[kori]

Players: Batman, Starfire
Location(s): Fancypants place in NYC
Plot Summary: Dick and Kori run into each other at a charity event in NYC. Chaos and drama to ensue!
--

It seemed as though nearly all of Manhattan could be viewed from the expansive room with its wide, gaping windows. Despite the fact that Kori was no stranger to the city - and that she could get a much better view if she wanted - it was still a beautiful sight. She had only just arrived at the charity gala and yet she had already found that she much preferred staring out the window at the glittering city to most of the conversation being held inside. That is, if it could even be called 'conversation.' Breasts were hardly a new discovery to mankind, and yet most people whom she tried to speak to seemed utterly incapable of looking away from hers. Honestly.

Still, she knew that she was here for a good reason. Her modeling agency had recently become involved in the new school for the arts being celebrated that evening. The school had purposefully been set up to aid students living in low-income households, which of course meant that in order to fund their education, a vast number of wealthy philanthropists had to be gathered and smiled into contributing. Kori was happy to be there and to help. Her best friend was a photographer, after all, and she would love to be able to help encourage those with similar passions. It was only unfortunate that it required conversing with so many people who were clearly only here for the parade of models. Kori had no qualms with her body being gawked at, but she found it to be more than a little annoying when she was trying to speak to someone and they didn't have the decency to at least look her in the eye or even pretend that they were interested in aiding the students.

Moments like these made her truly wonder about not only her career choice, but her life choices in general. Kori enjoyed modeling, certainly, but it wasn't something she loved. Her life seemed to have stalled in New York, her friends were all in opposite corners of the world, and her job had apparently dissolved into a seemingly endless string of appearances at places filled with manipulation and false smiles. She was by no means about to feel sorry for herself, but she couldn't help but feel as though she should be doing something else as well. She ought to be living her life to the fullest, not flying aimlessly around New York City (which is all that she seemed to do these days). The Tamaranean woman silently chided herself as she brushed at an invisible speck on her pale purple dress. She could consider her options later. At that moment, she needed to focus.

Kori brushed a rogue strand of hair from her face and turned slightly, looking over the crowd of well-dressed guests. Only when her green eyes settled on one particular guest did she exhibit any sort of enthusiasm. Unexpectedly seeing a friendly face was always nice, and regardless of how things had been between them lately, his was always an especially refreshing face. "Dick?" she said as she approached, almost certain that she was seeing things. She would have thought that she would have heard if Dick Grayson was going to be in New York, but evidently not.

[Batman]

“Yes. Most certainly, I love little boys too.” Dick smiled and then realized that his statement had been more than a little questionable. Truth be told he could probably blame that little statement on his upbringing from Bruce. One could say that Bruce’s whole career with sidekicks had been questionable. Regardless Dick was no Bruce which meant that he had no business talking about little boys. It just so happened that he was at a function supporting children and as a result he had to play the part. Luckily for him he wasn’t the only person who was saying sexually ambiguous things by mistake. He was just the only person that didn’t mean them. “So are you supporting this whole fundraiser because of how Bruce impacted your life or are you just throwing money around?”

Dick surveyed the reporter for a second and wandered if she was actually someone he wanted to pursue. She was off the clock yet she clearly couldn’t separate work from play. That much was true since her questions were professional while everything else about her screamed flirtatious. Yet she was attractive and Dick was bored and single and lonely. New York City used to have some appeal to him but these days he had found himself more attached to Gotham. This pointed to so many problems with Dick’s personal life that he didn’t even want to think about it. Maybe he’d run a patrol tonight or something to take his mind off of things. Maybe he didn’t need a good lay. “Oh, uh…sorry what?” His train of thought had derailed their conversation because shortly after stuttering another lame and questionable answer the woman latched onto another playboy.

Dick was soon alone and quickly nabbed a glance of champagne. He then did something that Bruce wouldn’t do at these functions. He drank actual alcohol and half-wished that he could at least get a little drunk. Now that he thought about it becoming Batman wouldn’t be smart tonight. Even if he hid his presence from the press. He didn’t want anyone to make a connection between Dick Grayson and Batman. His arrival had been too publicized. As he swallowed the strangely tart liquid he heard the sound of a certain someone calling his name. Dick’s memory of Kori was something he simply couldn’t squash no matter how hard he tried. He wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted her to see him in his currently depressed and bored state but it wasn’t like he was going to avoid seeing her. It had been months since Dick had last seen Kori and that particular conversation had been lackluster at best. Regardless of his currently state he was happy to see her. It would seem as if they were both here for the same reason.

“Kori?” Another waiter passed and Dick placed his half-finished glass of champagne on the passing man before he walked towards her. “I see you’ve gotten dragged to one of these events too.” Dick was almost bashful.

[kori]

It was him. Kori knew she shouldn't have been surprised - it wasn't unlike him to attend something like this - but the fact that he was now standing before her with zero warning was enough to throw her off for a moment. While Dick's company had once felt effortless and natural, things had been more than a little strained between the two of them for some time. She loved him; she had since they first met, and she couldn't imagine a life in which that love didn't exist. He had, however, made it clear that he no longer shared her feelings. Contrary to what many believed, Kori understood and accepted that. More than anything she wanted Dick to be happy, even if that meant she wasn't included in his life the way she had once been. Just as unimaginable as a world where she didn't love him was a world where they weren't close friends, and so long as they remained in each other's lives in that capacity, she was content.

What bothered her was that he didn't look happy. He had been so different the last time she had seen him, and even then she had worried that adopting the Batman mantle would change him for the worse. It appeared that her concerns had some serious merit to them. Dick hadn't been looking well the last time she had seen him, and now the change was even more prominent, even at a distance. Instantly she noticed that the sparkle in his eyes seemed duller, his mannerisms less exaggerated and more restricted. He had once been so vibrant, perhaps more so than anyone else she knew, and now he seemed to have aged drastically in only a short amount of time. It was like looking at a completely different person, and it broke her heart.

"I don't see anyone dragging you," Kori noted with a small smile. "And I am here of my own accord." While the models were supposed to attend, she despised the notion of anyone forcing her to go anywhere she wasn't willing to go on her own. This was for a good cause and, unless disaster struck, she had little else to do that evening. Dick seemed less enthusiastic to be here, which suggested he was purely here for the sake of his image. It was understandable. "You don't appear to be enjoying yourself," she observed, turning her head pointedly toward the half-full champagne glass now moving away from them. She wasn't sure that she had ever seen Dick actually drink at something like this.

[Batman]

The key to surviving as a vigilante of Gotham City was by denying happiness. You didn’t have to repeatedly turn down the opportunity to live a happy life. You just had to make one major decision. Your life or the city. Dick had been forced to make that decision multiple times throughout his life. Walking away from Starfire was always that decision he was forced to admit. When he had saved he didn’t love her anymore it had been a lie. It had been a lie to himself to justify his actions. It had been a lie to her because he knew if she knew the truth their relationship would be permanently ruined. The truth of the matter was that Dick would always consider Kori to be one of the closest people in his life. This was why he couldn’t afford to be with her anymore. He didn’t want her to end up like the women in Bruce’s life. Kori could protect herself but eventually they’d come back to the one choice. Could Dick fully focus on them or would he be focused on his duty?

The reason why nobody was dragging Dick was because he hadn’t even bothered to bring a date. He was here to make a quick appearance and then he’d withdraw into his cave. Literally and figuratively. The only people he had time to interact with were the Justice League members. Yet that had been all duty. He really hadn’t had the chance to grab a beer or watch a movie with friends or anything. He was focused on making sure the premier superhero team on Earth would be successfully launched. That was coupled along with his already stressful responsibilities in Gotham and you had a full plate. Dick didn’t want Kori to see him like this. He was pretty certain that his anxiety could be detected from the other side of the room. Once the Justice League was up and running he wouldn’t have to worry about this. He just wished he had Roy with him. They’d always shared the burden of leadership.

“I was dragged here by the Board of Directors so to speak. I’ve seem to lost track of them, though.” That second part was a joke. The Board of Directors at Wayne Enterprises were all in Gotham City probably knee-deep in cocaine. Currently Dick was merely an extension of their will and need to pander to the middle class. He was guessing that it was because of his pretty face. Dick couldn’t help but smirk at Kori’s insistence that it had been of her own accord. She had always been fiercely dependent. Or at least she was able to create an illusion of being dependent even if that wasn’t the strict truth. “What? No. I’m definitely enjoying myself. There’s nothing like helping people towards a good cause. Whatever that cause might be.” He honestly had forgotten what he was doing here. Now he could add exhaustion-inducing memory loss to the list of things that was wrong with him.
Dick looked up at Kori again and realized just how glad he was to see her. He had a feeling how this night was going to end but he wasn’t sure if he cared. “Do you want to head outside? Get some fresh air?” He questioned on an impulse.

[kori]

Kori raised a slender brow, clearly unconvinced. "But there are places you would rather be," she said knowingly. The desire to help people was a permanent part of who Dick was, but she was well aware that this was not his preferred method of doing so. His methods were typically a bit more hands-on. If she had to guess, she would assume that he would rather be in Gotham right now, racing across rooftops and throwing in a few acrobatic tricks even when unnecessary. For as long as he had been tied to Bruce Wayne, she had never known him to really enjoy these sorts of gatherings. She couldn't really blame him. Even if it was for a good reason, she wasn't sure that anybody truly liked attending such events. There was too much manipulation, too many false smiles in order to gain favor. It was an unfortunate side of humanity that often emerged at these things.

The invitation to step outside was a welcome one. While she too was happy to support a good cause, she would never pretend to prefer the company of businessmen and socialites to Dick's. It would be nice to catch up and hopefully have a conversation that wasn't quite as tense as their last. Kori smiled. "I would like that." Getting some fresh air sounded delightful, even if the New York City air admittedly wasn't all that fresh. Regardless, there was a beautiful view from the balcony and it would be easier to have a proper conversation with Dick without an endless flow of patrons interrupting. He didn't look like he was doing well, but she still wanted to hear from him how everything had been.

The tall woman led the way to the glass door leading out onto the expansive balcony that overlooked a good portion of the city. It was breezy thanks to the altitude, though not overly so, and the temperature was cool yet pleasant. Already, it was nicer outside the charity gala than it was inside, but again that was probably just because of the company. Kori was always happy to see Dick and his presence there was a nice surprise. She might end up truly enjoying the evening after all. "How have you been, Dick?" Kori asked, turning to look back at him once she had reached the balcony railing and rested her forearms on its surface. "You look tired." He would most likely deny it, of course, or at least try to hide it; he had never been the best at accepting his own mortality. If the man had one major flaw, it was that he consistently pushed himself almost to the breaking point.

[Batman]

He had to admit that the night wasn’t quite as bleak as he had assumed it would be. Ironically the nights Dick spent running around on rooftops weren’t all that bad to him. As far as he was concerned he was saving people. Real people with real problems who needed help. Tonight was different. He was feeding the egos of society’s big wigs. Men and women who could spend a great deal more money than they were spending tonight were showing up just to get their names plastered on some plaque. Dick actually had an excuse as to why he had held onto his wealth. Fighting crime was fairly expensive and Wayne Enterprises was already doing their fair share for the young and the poor. Not enough to the average eye but that was simply because a majority of their money was being funneled into the super hero effort. So Dick had an excuse that many did not.

As far as he knew, anyway.

As they stepped outside the balcony Dick was blessed with the cool air of the night. Yet to him it felt static and just as stale as it had inside. It was only a slight improvement. That realization made Dick realize just how addicted to the thrill of crime-fighting. He was normally falling through the air or running across buildings which resulted in the air flowing past his face. When he wasn’t doing that he was probably in the bat-cave where the air was stale and frigid. As a result being outside and just standing still felt strange. Dick was fairly certain that his inability to stand-still was due to some type of condition or disorder that could be diagnosed by a shrink. He definitely wasn’t going to talk to one, though. Every psychiatrist in Gotham City was arguably crazy.

Dick leaned backwards against the railing and stared at the festivities going on inside. He couldn’t remember a time when he had ever wanted to be on the other side of that door. He still didn’t want to be no longer how much “Richard Grayson; playboy” seemed to enjoy it. “I’ve been fine. Doing the usual. Saving the world, one damsel in distress at a time.” Strangely enough there weren’t as many damsels in distress as you would think. Not that Dick was complaining. He hadn’t gotten in the game to stroke his ego. If he had he definitely would not have partnered with someone like Bruce. The man had only started to learn how to say “please”, “thank you” and “good job” when Dick was well into his 20s. Bruce’s persona also meant that he was naturally disliked and hated by the people of Gotham City. Dick’s association with the man (and his style of dress) had also resulted in him getting similar hate. So when he said he hadn’t gotten in the game for the glory he meant it.

“C’mon Star. When’s the last time I haven’t been tired?” He couldn’t help but smile at her question. Dick couldn’t remember a time when he had been well-rested. “How about you? You look like you’re doing pretty well.” This awkward small talk was important. That didn’t make it any less awkward. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to tell her. That he was starting the Justice League? That Damian was still a little snot? He couldn’t exactly talk freely and the last thing he wanted to do was get caught up over his profession as a brooding vigilante. That was how he had lost her the last time.

[kori]

Somehow, she couldn't picture Dick being surrounded by damsels in distress. Damsels, certainly... but not distressed ones. Kori wasn't sure that he was ever around a woman who couldn't put him in his place should the need arise, or at least give him a very good run for his money. That was probably the most believable part of his answer, though. He might be able to fool most people into thinking he was doing well, but she knew him too well to buy the act. Dick was never one to acknowledge the weight on his shoulders. Perhaps that was what had always made him such a good leader; even when he was usually one of the few people on a team to not have any special ability, he always appeared to be the strongest. Nothing could bring him down. It was both an admirable quality and a foolish way to live his life. There was nothing wrong with having or accepting limits, as far as she was concerned. Kori had always worried about him for that reason.

Still, despite her silent concerns, Kori grinned in response to his smile. "That's a fair point," she agreed. "Tell me you have at least been attempting to get some sleep." Poor Dick. The man never looked like he had been getting enough sleep unless he was coming off an injury that forced him to stay in bed (which usually didn't last for more than a day or two). Still, he looked more fatigued than usual now. It was understandable why. He had a lot on his plate - more than average - and she knew him well enough to know that he would keep pushing himself until he reached the point of collapsing. 'Rest' was an alien word to him. There had been a few times in the past where she had been tempted to simply punch him out in order to force him to get some sleep, but somehow Kori doubted that he would appreciate such a gesture.

She wasn't sure she could say she was doing well. She wasn't doing poorly, but not for the first time in her life, she had found herself feeling somewhat directionless lately. Was it pathetic that she always seemed to feel so lost without the Titans? It wasn't as though she didn't know anyone else, but they were the people who had taken her in when she had first arrived on Earth. She had been with them through thick and thin, and they were the closest thing she had to family now. They always would be. Being away from them just felt unnatural. Trying to set up shop somewhere else was difficult, and while she still saw her old teammates fairly regularly, it was just different. "Well enough," Kori answered. "New York has kept me busy." Wasn't that the truth. If there was one thing she couldn't complain of, it was having nothing to do.

[Batman]

“I slept on the ride over here.” Dick said with a cheeky grin. It wasn’t that he didn’t sleep. Dick always caught an hour or two of rest throughout the day. He just didn’t sleep when he needed to. Crime never rested. It was active during the day and night. Luckily it took lunch breaks which was why Dick was able to nap throughout the day. He had complained to Alfred that showing up at this benefit would cut into his rest time but they both knew that was a lie. While this whole benefit was stressful and annoying there was no denying the fact that it allowed Dick to relax physically. While his brain was moving as sporadically as it always had he wasn’t dodging bullets or bending his body in ways that shouldn’t be possible. He was at least able to be in a state where his body wasn’t constantly in danger.

That was one thing to be thankful for.

“You seem to care about my sleeping far more than you have a right to. You never quite gave me a chance to sleep when we were together.” Dick was fairly surprised that he had barely had any stamina back when he and Starfire had dated. He winked at her as he traced the outline of her arm with his finger. There was Jersey Shore-skin and then there was Starfire’s. Luckily her body totally committed to being orange so that she didn’t look like she had just rolled out of a tanning bed. Her alien features were exotic to the point where many had confused her with a goddess. To Dick she seemed far more mythical than even Wonder Woman. It was one of those things that was so cheesy that he hadn’t even told her that. When Donna had heard that compliment she hadn’t been able to look at him without laughing for a week.

Starfire’s next words made Dick feel more alone ever. He wanted to keep her busy. Something told him that Starfire wasn’t as happy as she seemed. He was assuming that it was because they were both alone. Not having someone to talk to at the end of the day could turn depressing fairly fast. Damian wasn’t someone you could confide your feelings to. Alfred only served as a good voice of advice for things that really mattered. Roy was as good as dead and Dick couldn’t exactly tell Wally about his troubles. Wally was a teammate and Dick was his leader. He had to keep up the illusion of being strong and independent. Starfire was one of the few people that understood that. If he stopped and acknowledged the pressure he felt on his own than he would drown underneath it. That being said he knew he couldn’t put Starfire through this again. She didn’t deserve and he most definitely didn’t deserve her.

“It’s the city that never sleeps.” Dick said with a shrug. “If I had to choose between Gotham and New York then I’d have to stop and think. Neither of those cities get the concept of bedtime.”

[kori]

Kori gave a light, exasperated shake of her head. Dick's idea of being properly rested differed greatly than the usual. He had managed to survive for this long so she assumed it worked for him, but she wasn't as easily convinced that it was healthy. Nothing she could say or do would make him change his sleeping habits, of course. She wasn't so naive as to think otherwise. Dick had always been his own man and even the people closest to him rarely had enough influence to convince him to do something he didn't want to do. If he was content to nap inbetween his different adventures, then he was going to do it and her thoughts on the matter were entirely irrelevant. "I see that," she commented, reaching up to brush the shoulder of his suit as though to help straighten out any wrinkles. He looked impeccable, of course - when didn't he, damn him - but giving him a bit of a hard time was second nature by now.

Dick's next comment earned him a raised brow and a challenging yet playful smirk. That wasn't fair of him. Just because she had often ruined any chances he had of getting a full night's sleep back then didn't mean she wasn't allowed to care now. She always had cared, it was just that she had cared about other things then as well. "I don't recall that being entirely my fault," Kori retorted. Dick had been a young, hormonal man and she... well, she wasn't ignorant to how her body was viewed by male humans. While she would accept the blame for many of their sleepless nights, she wasn't the only guilty party. The smirk faded more to a smile as he touched her arm. It was the little things like that that she missed most. A little touch here, a smile there, a witty remark thrown in the middle. Those were the things that simultaneously made being near him and being away from him so painful.

"How is everything going in Gotham?" Kori asked. "You seemed... stressed, last I was there." To put it nicely. It was understandable, though. He had undergone a great transition in his life. The one positive she could see was that while he had absolutely changed, even in ways perhaps only she and a handful of others might notice, he didn't seem as dark and cold as he had then. Dick was still himself now, just dimmed quite a bit. She had barely even recognized him when he had been wearing the cowl, and not because of the wardrobe change.

[Batman]

“Hey. You were wearing the pants in the relationship...figuratively of course. You think I can resist your exotic charm?” Dick felt he could exonerate himself from the blame. Kori’ander was arguably the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid his eyes upon. Did she really expect him not to fall for her so hard? He really couldn’t sleep with her lying next to him either. He was either marveling over how lucky he was or thinking about other things. Either way Starfire was the chief reason why he couldn’t get sleep back when they were dating. She was a good reason for him to avoid sleep. These days he didn’t have any more “good” reasons. Maybe he needed to start getting some sleep again. Caffeine pills just weren’t cutting it and the human body could only take so much.

Then she asked him the question Dick was secretly dreading. The last time they had been in Gotham was the time they had decided that things simply weren’t going to work. Dick had regretted that decision as he had watched her fly away. Sometimes he felt like Starfire was one of the few people that kept him sane. Even Barbara didn’t have that effect on him. He often found himself butting heads with the paraplegic red-head over theories on fighting crime or over who they decided to train. When it came right down to it Starfire was simply a different person. She had different responsibilities, a different outlook and yet they had known each other for years. She understood him and how she worked and she didn’t have any bias that stopped her from telling the truth. That was why it was so hard to move on.

“Stressed?” Dick chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his head nervously. Feeling the shaved back of his head was a sensation he wasn’t used to. It was fairly long but it wasn’t as long as it used to be. Just a year ago Dick’s wonderful tresses hair had tumbled past passed the nape of his neck. That almost felt like a symbol of change for him. He had taken away the “fun” part of being a crime fighter. He had put on a cowl and cape and had moved on from his friends. Now he was back to making connections with people like Wally but only because he needed them to save the world. Not because he needed friends. He felt like he needed that connection back. Damian was horrible at conversations.

“I’m not so stressed right now. I’ve finally taught Damian table-manners and the family is finally pitching in. Jason’s as much of a bother as he’s always been but he hasn’t killed anyone important so everything’s fine. Everything’s coming together. It took a year but things are looking up.” Not for Dick. Sacrificing personal happiness and sleep was worth it. As long as he didn’t have to worry about Gotham City burning to the ground without him looking.

[kori]

Kori wasn't sure that Dick fully understood the powers of his own charm. The man was unlike anyone else she had ever met, which was both good and bad depending on the situation. "Oh, please," she chuckled. "You are perfectly capable of resisting anything you like. You simply chose not to." Dick's willpower was almost unmatched. He couldn't fool her into buying that excuse. Trying to pass off all of the blame onto her just wouldn't work. They both knew very well that neither of them had ever wanted to resist anything back then. Kori had to silently admit that she missed that, and not just because of the great sex. She didn't like having to keep how she felt to herself. It felt unnatural. Having Dick be right there and trying to respect everything he had said before was... challenging, to say the least. It wasn't as though Dick was unaware of her feelings, so in that regard she had nothing to hide, but she had to restrain herself whenever she was around him now. Their relationship was so different now, and she knew she couldn't behave the way she had once been able to with him.

In a way, she almost resented him for it. Holding anything about herself back was so uncomfortable, and she detested that she couldn't be completely free with her words and feelings. It felt wrong. That being said, Kori knew she couldn't ever truly hold that against him. Dick had been honest with her, and there was nothing wrong with that. It was appreciated, really. She would rather hear the truth and have it be something other than what she wanted it to be versus remaining in some sort of emotional limbo. Not knowing was much worse. At least this way, Kori knew where they stood. They would always love each other, just not in the way they used to. It wasn't her desired outcome, but it worked.

The nervous movements didn't go unnoticed, and Kori gave him a knowing look. Dick wasn't a very good liar around the people who actually knew him well. "All of that training and that is the best you can do?" she said skeptically. Her expression transitioned to a small, sympathetic (if not blatantly concerned) smile. One hand was raised, and Kori reached up to gently rest it on his arm. It seemed that he needed constant reminding that while they were no longer in a romantic relationship, she was still his friend. She was there for him when something was bothering him, no matter what. "I'm not stupid, Dick. When I said you looked tired, I was not solely referring to sleep." If he didn't feel like sharing everything, that was his choice and Kori wouldn't be offended. She just hoped he would remember that she still cared about him and that his well-being mattered to her.

[Batman]

Apparently Dick wasn’t all that great a lair. When it came to undercover situations or keeping the truth from his teammates he excelled at it. Yet when it came to matters of the heart or his emotions it didn’t work so much. Dick had always worn his heart on his sleeve no matter how hard he tried not to. This wasn’t exactly by choice either. No matter how much he said he was ok it was still obvious that he wasn’t. Yet Dick was well on his way back to having a stabilized life. He just needed a little more time. He had adapted to being Batman. Now he needed to adapt to leading the Justice League. He knew he could do it. It’d just take a little more effort. Sleep could wait. He’d sleep when he was dead. It was the unspoken motto of the Bat-Family. It was the motto that had pulled Gotham from the depths of despair when Bane had broken all of the criminals out of Arkham Asylum. Yet it was the same motto that had broken Bruce’s back. Dick preferred to reflect on the positive.

“I never thought you were stupid. I was just hoping we could avoid the issue.” That was the honest truth. Dick would rather not talk about his problems. People like Kori and even Tim somehow managed to disarm him and get him talking. Yet he simply preferred not to. He knew he had said too much tonight. He was supposed to set himself up as a leader and symbol for good. How could he do that if people knew that he was fraying at the edges? Dick was more likely to collapse from sheer exhaustion rather than snap and beat someone to death. Yet to him that was the same thing. He didn’t want to fail anybody. He didn’t want to fail himself. If he admitted out loud how stressed he was than the figurative terrorists would have won. For now all he could do was tell her that he was physically drained but he wasn’t about to tell her how frustrating it was to maneuver and manipulate the politics of being a hero.

So he implemented a common bait-and-switch. He didn’t want to talk about himself but he did want to talk about her. He knew that Starfire was never as happy as she seemed. She too wore her heart on her sleeve but her sheer optimism sometimes made it difficult to see how she really felt. Dick wasn’t the type of person who was easily fooled by that. The same traits that made it difficult to portray how he was feeling also granted him empathy. He wanted to make sure that Kori’Ander was ok. He knew he would be fine. The Bat-Men were known for surviving under tremendous amounts of stress. That’s how they were built. Or rather that was how Bruce had conditioned them to be. “I’m not stupid either. Just because New York City is keeping you busy doesn’t mean you’re happy.” He was just as concerned about her as she was concerned about him.

[kori]

One corner of her lips turned down. Dick's answer was hardly a surprise, but she still wished that he felt like he could talk to her. She missed the days when they discussed just about everything with each other. There was a lot that he always kept bottled up inside of him. Kori's chin dropped once in a short nod. "I understand." If he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't push him. She probably could have convinced him to share if she really tried, but why should she? If he didn't want to, he didn't want to. She tried not to take it personally; she knew how Dick could get. It still said a lot about how much they had fallen away from each other, though. There had still been points in their friendship when they could speak freely about anything, and Kori felt her heart sink as she realized that more distance may have come between them than she had realized.

"Just... remember I'm here, if you need anything," she reminded him, dropping her hand from his arm and crossing her own. Contrary to what he seemed to believe, he didn't need to shoulder his burdens alone. Kori wasn't sure that Dick would ever fully understand that. He always seemed to think that he had to appear superhuman to be a successful leader and hero, when it was the fact that he was human that made him so. Overcoming obstacles was more impressive than trying to give the impression of having none to begin with.

Her concern was turned on her, and Kori did something she rarely ever did: she hesitated. Sharing her feelings was nothing new to her, but her pride made her want to act as though she was perfectly content with her life... that she was doing just fine without him. Kori knew her love for Dick wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, but that didn't mean she ever had or was ever going to rely on him for her happiness. That was something she alone had power over. She didn't want her happiness to be based on him or anyone else. Her loved ones all contributed to that happiness, yes, but they weren't completely responsible for it. Kori had learned over the years that people could love her, hate her, care for her, or abuse her, but only she could control how she responded to all of it.

Unfortunately, she couldn't say that she was walking on sunshine every second of her day presently... but again, she controlled her response to that. Just because everything wasn't going her way did not mean she was miserable. Far from it. "I'm not unhappy," Kori said honestly. "I am merely..." She twirled one hand, searching for the right word. "Adjusting. It can be challenging at times." Not that she had ever been one to back down from a challenge.

[Batman]

Starfire was never one to let the world around her get her down. This was surprising for someone like her. She had always been heavily influenced by her emotions and people made the common mistake of thinking that this made you weak or vulnerable. Yet Starfire was influenced by her emotions and hers alone. She didn’t care what other people thought about her nor did she allow that to influence how she felt. As a result he could always expert he to be someone you could rely on to be mentally stable. Unlike Bruce she didn’t completely separate herself from her emotions to the point where it was a hindrance. Yet despite all this Dick knew that it wasn’t necessarily the people that could make Starfire unhappy. It could easily be the state of her life or the environment she was in.

“Not being unhappy isn’t synonymous with being happy.” Dick pointed out. What he was trying to say was that just because she wasn’t unhappy didn’t mean she was satisfied. At most she could be indifferent to what was happening to her. To Dick being indifferent was just as bad as being unhappy. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions but the best he could assume about Starfire is that she was getting used to being stuck in one rut in life. Being a model wasn’t as glamorous as most people thought. Especially if you were a gorgeous alien who was easily the most beautiful woman in the room. Dick had always figured that Starfire was cut out for better things. Earth didn’t deserve her. He had yet to figure out why she was still here. Not that he wanted her to leave but oftentimes he felt as Earth was the reason she oftentimes wasn’t happy.

“Adjusting to what?” It was an honest question. He hadn’t seen her in months and the last time he had she had been in New York. He didn’t like the idea of Starfire being stagnant because she had always been a free spirit. He wasn’t one to tell her what to do but he felt like he could at least help. He had a few ideas about what he could do to make her adjust in a way she wanted to. It wasn’t beyond Dick to try and determine what was “best” for his friends. This particular control issue was something he wasn’t necessarily proud of. He just wanted people to finally feel as if they had reached their full potential or were serving their interests as best as they could. Maybe this desire was due to his own inability to feel as if he was giving it his all.

[kori]

"Nor does it mean I'm completely void of contentment," Kori argued. Being unhappy wasn't the worst thing in the world. Of course Kori would like to be happy, but she knew that she wasn't always going to be, and that was okay. She had endured far worse than this and later found happiness anyway. She may be an optimist, but she was also a realist. She didn't expect her life to be some sort of fairy tale at every turn, but she did expect to put in the work to make it what she wanted to be. This just happened to be one of those periods where she needed to figure out what her next move was.

That, of course, was easier said than done. Kori loved her friends but again, she didn't want to have to fully rely on them. They were all off taking care of their own agendas and they were allowed to do that without her becoming some sort of tag-along. Still, she always felt strange when the Titans weren't united and she wasn't sure that it would ever become easier when that was the case. Having her family sprawled all over the globe made the concept of them all being a family to begin with seem foreign. Kori was happy to go and do her own thing for a time, but at the end of the day, she missed having people around her. The models and the rest of the party guests inside didn't really count. They weren't her friends. They didn't know her and they likely never would.

Kori glanced sideways at Dick before turning her head to look out at the city for a few moments. She and Dick had always understood each other in a way that only two people as close as they had been possibly could, but she wasn't convinced that he would know where she was coming from on this. When things changed in his life, it was usually because he wanted them to. He had decided he would become Nightwing, then Batman. He had decided which city he was going to set up shop in, which team he was going to lead, which people he would surround himself with. He was never playing catch-up and trying to figure out how to respond to everything. He was the one who set things in motion and allowed others to react. Kori envied that, to a degree. Having such great control over one's fate was something not many people could claim, herself included.

"Everything," Kori replied simply. "It seems I'm always adjusting. The Titans are together, then they're not. We're together, then we're not. I'm in New York, then San Francisco, then New York again." She shook her head and reached back to rest her palms against the balcony railing. The constant upheaval for one reason or another made it almost impossible to truly settle and decide what she wanted out of her life and how she was going to attain it. "I really am not unhappy. I'm just trying to determine what to do next." It wasn't really stability she desired; it was purpose. She wasn't the type to just float around a city looking for crime all on her own. She needed something real to focus on. She needed people around her. A life of solitude and stagnation had never suited her.